It’s wrong of me to judge something when I haven’t listened to the entire thing, but I couldn’t make it past the 1:04 mark of John Mayer’s cover of Mimi’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” First of all, Christmas songs have been fucking me in the ass without Crisco since November. Second of all, John Mayer sounds constipated. The visual of him pushing out a butt nugget while singing a Christmas tune was too much for me to deal with, so I quit that bitch after a minute.

Besides, I don’t need to listen to the whole thing to know that John is doing it all wrong. Dear John, get yourself a hot cup of douche water, sit back and watch this hot bitch below. This beautiful songbird will show you the proper way to cover a Mimi Xmas song:

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Jennifer Aniston’s new movie, Marley and Me, won the Christmas day revenue battle by racking in around million. On that note, I’d like to reach out to Jen and ask her to now stop making out with John Mayer in public, the movie is a hit, no need to push for more media whoring time. Did I mention that another movie also came out on Christmas day? Starring Brad Pitt? It didn’t do as well. Jen wins. Score one for the girl! I bet Angelina is being eaten alive over this.

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Asshlee and Pete are so much better than Brangelina! They don’t whore out their baby on the cover of magazines for some quick cash. Real talk: There weren’t any buyers and that’s the fucking truth. Papa Joe is crying in his favorite rubber bagina this morning because of this.

So Ass and Pete decided to post the first picture of Bronx Mowgli on Pete’s website. BMw Baby is probably always sleeping, because would you want to face the reality that your parents are a pair of saggy vaginas? No, probably not. He wakes up, sees them and goes back to fucking bed.

And if Ass and Pete really wanted to give their baby a meaningful gift for Christmas, they would’ve given him the gift of a new damn name. He will never forgive him for this. But hey, at least he has a valid excuse for everything! When he gets into trouble, he can just say, “It’s your fault. You named me Bronx Mowgli.” Point taken and filed.

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Stephanie Seymour is still parading around in a bikini. The first time we saw the former supermodel and former Victoria’s Secret model hanging out in a bikini in St. Barts France was last week. This pictures are better than last week’s pictures. Her boobs are booming huge. Anyways, check out a few more pictures of this supermilf.

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Don’t get us wrong, we love Cameron Diaz.

However, while appearing at an after party for Shrek the Musical, Diaz showed up in an underwhelming black cape/smock that reminded us of something out of Hogwarts.

This lazy outfit proves that even movie stars get sick of dressing up for parties.

The portrayer of Princess Fiona usually complements her voice with a stunning look, but she went with a frumpy black ensemble this time…

Every time she turned around, we were hoping Cameron Diaz would lose the cape and stun us with a gorgeous dress. But as you can see below, no luck…

[Photo Credit: Splash News]

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