You’ve been watching Jon Minus 9 Plus 4 Mediocre Girls.

Now, get ready for Kate Plus 8 and 4 Loud Windbags!

Continuing her recent media tour, Kate Gosselin is going from celebrity gossip fodder to celebrity pundit, joining the growing list of surprisingly topical guest co-hosts for the upcoming season of popular current events gab-fest The View.

Kate will throw in her grating two cents September 14-15, when she sits in for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who is on maternity leave until October sometime.

TALK SHOW QUEEN: Kate Gosselin (with her bodyguard and rumored lover Steve Neild) departs CNN studios after a lonely appearance last night on Larry King Live.

The irony for Elisabeth Hasselbeck is that the conservative host offered this unsolicited (and typically riled-up) advice to Kate back in June: “get a job!”

Looks like she did. Hers. It’s hard to tell which of them is more annoying.

Mrs. Gosselin joins LaToya Jackson and Meghan McCain at the table.

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There has never been a Lindsay Lohan sex tape. That we know of.

But there is a tape of people violating her … home security system.

The LAPD has released some photos of these three people captured on surveillance tape breaking into her house - entering, they believe, through an unlocked door and taking personal items belonging to the alleged star.

All the suspects are described by the LAPD as being between ages 18-25 - a white male and two white females. The women are estimated around 120 lbs.

Lindsay Tweeted of the break-in: “i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren’t taken… just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me.”

Hmm. Wonder who that old friend is. Samantha Ronson, is that you?

This implies that if she does not know who ransacked her, LiLo is more or less convinced that the person or persons responsible are familiar with the place.

Meanwhile, law enforcement is looking at the possibility the burglar(s) who raided her pad also broke into Audrina Patridge’s L.A. home a few months back.

Police note “striking similarities” between the male burglar in both break-ins and are looking into the possibility that the robbers are one and the same.

Their M.O. is also strikingly similar - entering through unlocked doors.

The Audrina Patridge break-in occurred in the early morning hours of Sunday, February 22, while the Lindsay ransacking took this past Sunday morning.

Here’s a video of Lindsay Lohan getting robbed …

Lindsay Lohan Getting Robbed

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In a new promo for the upcoming MTV VMAs, host Russell Brand tries to convince Britney Spears to sleep with him using old-fashioned mental telepathy.

Really, what guy hasn’t tried that over the past 10 years?

In the clip, a bikini-clad Britney Spears hears voices in her head, kinda like in 2007 during her British accent phase. Only this time, it’s Russell Brand’s.

The zany British comic, who can also hear her thoughts, responds telepathically with “Go to Russell’s hotel room. Abandon yourself! Sleep with Russell!”

Direct, but unfortunately for him, probably not effective.

Funny, though. Check out their MTV promo below …

Russell Brand-Britney Spears MTV VMA Promo

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Following the murder of Jasmine Fiore, likely at the hands of her husband Ryan Jenkins, his former reality TV love interest Megan Hauserman has remained quiet.

Hauserman, a self-proclaimed “aspiring trophy wife,” starred on Megan Wants a Millionaire, which was airing on VH1 until it was yanked amid the Fiore tragedy.

Ryan Jenkins was reportedly a finalist on the show. After getting kicked off, he went to Las Vegas, met Jasmine Fiore and married her less than a week later.

One can see why VH1 pulled the plug on Megan Wants a Millionaire (and the third season of I Love Money, which hadn’t yet aired and Jenkins reportedly won).

In any event, Megan Hauserman the following appreciative Tweet to her fans today as she copes with the aftermath of the tragedy that played out last week:

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You really shouldn’t stalk Miley Cyrus.

It’s unethical, it’s illegal and it just gives her something else to Twitter about.

But Mark McLeod was arrested earlier this month for allegedly following around the Hannah Montana star during a movie shoot in Savannah, Georgia. The sick nut job said Miley had been sending him “secret messages” on TV and in her music.

Fortunately, it doesn’t sound as though McLeod will be coming near Cyrus again in the near future: a judge has rejected a request to reduce his ,000 bond for release, according to the Savannah Morning News, which quoted judge Steven Scheer as saying the 53-year-old McLeod posed a potential threat.

“I can’t deny him bond, but if I could I would, because I do feel he’s a danger.”

McLeod was also arrested in 2003 for contributing to the delinquency of a minor when he transported a girl across the Georgia/South Carolina border.

Following yesterday’s hearing, McLeod’s attorney, James Byrne, claimed his client - who says he’s Miley’s “secret husband” - wasn’t a menace to anyone.

“He’s been painted as this monster, but he’s got a family,” the lawyer said. “What he said I understand was unsettling to a lot of folks. But it doesn’t make him a stalker.”

What on earth would make him a stalker, Mr. Byrne?!?

Miley has taken out a temporary restraining order against McLeod. We hope he goes away for a very long time.

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