When veteran comedian Joan Rivers took to Twitter to go off on Lindsay Lohan, the star’s ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, came to her defense.

The 77-year-old had joked: “Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.”

“Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge. I was reading about the Lindsay Lohan diet … all liquid. 80 Proof.”

Those were pretty good. But SamRo was not pleased.

“Hey Joan Rivers you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear,” she Tweeted.

Lindsay Lohan, who dated Sam for over a year, thanked her ex for defending her, tweeting: ‘@samantharonson thank you I love yams x’.

The alleged actress was recently sentenced to 90 days in jail by a judge in Beverly Hills for violating her probation and must surrender July 20.

Since the judge laid the smack down last week, Lindsay has been seen out and about with mom Dina, sister Ali and “close friend” Eilat Anschel.

Lohan appeared relatively upbeat, saying “thank you” when a passer-by gave her some words of encouragement, but Dina admits she’s scared.

Sources say she plans to appeal the sentence, but given her track record with probation and the fact that she’s totally guilty, that’s a stretch.

It looks like the whiner is headed to jail for at least part of the 90-day term, and shouldn’t expect a lot of sympathy from Rivers, who writes:

“Lindsay Lohan had “F**k You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had ‘Eat me you party skank’ painted on hers.”

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He may have had an affair with her (and many, many others), but no love child resulted from that fornication. Thus, Tiger Woods wants Devon James’ paternity claim axed.

Through his lawyers, Tiger has fired back against one of his porn star mistresses and her paternity claims, asking the court to throw the case out for one simple reason:

Tiger is not the father.

Devon James filed papers back in June alleging that the golfer was the father of her nine-year-old son … despite DNA tests proving that the daddy was someone else.

Attorneys for Woods have now filed legal documents declaring as fact Tiger did not father James’ son and, therefore, the paternity case should be history.

Better luck next time, Dev.

DISMISSED: Much as a Tiger Woods love child wouldn’t surprise us at this point, a low-rent porn star mistress making up such a claim to cash in surprises us less.

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Stop the presses: Jesse Jackson has come to the defense of LeBron James.

Mind you, no one asked him to, no one cares what he says, and some of his word choice was predictably ridiculous - but he defended the NBA star, alright!

Naturally, he compared bitter Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, whose open letter to fans tore into James after he bolted the city, to a “slave master.”

In a harshly-worded statement, the civil rights leader took Gilbert to task for his comments regarding LeBron’s decision last week to sign with the Miami Heat.

Jackson says, “He speaks as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. His feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality.”

“He sees LeBron as a runaway slave.”

Jesse goes on, “LeBron is not a child, nor is he bound to play on Gilbert’s plantation and be demeaned. He has been a model citizen and has inspired the children of Akron, Cleveland, the State of Ohio and the United States.”

Okay, look.

No one is arguing James was bound to play for Cleveland and no one else, but it’s crystal clear why no sports fan outside South Florida likes him right now.

The egotistical superstar didn’t simply abandon his hometown, he strung it along, then delivered the news in an absurd, staged primetime special on ESPN.

Then he was introduced as a member of the Heat in a similarly bombastic, over-the-top event in Miami the next night, cementing his me-first villain status.

What a d!ck move.

Dan Gilbert may be glossing over his own role in James’ departure, and may even be unnecessarily bitter, but his berating of LeBron was in many ways justified - and certainly didn’t evoke any hint of “slave owner mentality.” Get real, Jesse.

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Move over, John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. Out of the way, Carmelo Anthony and LaLa Vazquez. Make some room, Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher.

There was yet another celebrity wedding this weekend.

Martin Lawrence and Shamicka Gibbs, his longtime girlfriend, were married in an intimate wedding on Saturday at the actor’s home in Beverly Hills.

Lawrence, 45, and Gibbs, 35, exchanged Christian vows in the back yard in front of 120 guests, including Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington.

Shamicka Gibbs is now Mrs. Martin Lawrence!

The couple has been together more than a decade.

Their daughters Amara, 9, and Iyana, 7, and Lawrence’s older daughter Jasmine, 14, from a previous marriage, were all flower girls at the wedding.

After the ceremony, they joined their guests for a reception. “They wanted an intimate celebration,” says a source. “This wedding was all about family.”

Martin Lawrence was last seen on the big screen in this year’s comedy Death at a Funeral. He recently wrapped Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.

Congrats to the couple!

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Miley Cyrus may be a colossal disappointment for a variety of reasons, but at least she doesn’t curse, smoke or look like a raccoon at all times.

The same can’t be said for Gossip Girl cast member Taylor Momsen.

Speaking to FHM UK this week, the 16-year old lashed out at critics that compare her to Miley, making it very clear that she doesn’t see any similarities between the pair.

“I’m not looking to be Miley f*cking Cyrus,” Momsen said. “I don’t care about the fame. I do it because I love music. I like making records and if people like them, then we’ll go along for the ride.”

Momsen and Cyrus may both act and sing, but that’s pretty much where the comparisons end. The former fronts rock band The Pretty Reckless, while the latter is nothing more than a Britney Spears wannabe at this point.

Still, Taylor feels a need to distance herself from Miley, adding: “I think the Disney bubblegum shit that the world is living right now is pathetic. I thought we passed that repression.”

It’s unclear what that actually means, but Gossip Girl fans have made their opinion of Momsen and her character well-known: Jenny Humphrey has been written out of most of next season on the show.

Good riddance.

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